As he described it he went through a complete loss of identity, he had moments where he still knew who he was, but they were moments and they were fickle moments. Everyone and every thing lost its place of priority in his mind and nothing really mattered any more. His biggest challenge was not so much where he was mentally as where the world was in relation to him. Society did not know him, it could not relate to him.
At first he fought his impending collapse but the more he fought against it the bigger and more terrifying it became for him. The crisis continued to grow until finally he was unable to hold back any more; he collapsed. Until he surrendered into it he could not move through it. He had to let go, and he had to let go completely. One can compare his process to the metamorphosis of a caterpillar to a butterfly; his whole mental framework had to dissolve in order for the new mental construct to take form.
He told me that when he pulled himself together, or more accurately, when he came back together, it was like he was a completely new and better person. He said it wasn’t like the old him was lost. It was more like the pieces had not been put together in the right order the first time and his break down was really more of a reassembly.
He felt much better, much more complete, after that experience and he learned and shared with me something valuable in the process. He shared the importance of surrendering to the process, the importance of trusting that even this terrifying loss of identity was really for his greater good.
Have you ever noticed how important this perspective has been in your own life? I have. As long as I hang on to my beliefs, opinions, programming, strategies or whatever name I choose to call my limited way of thinking, life seems to be a painful repetition of mishaps. It is only when I let go to some greater something that I rediscover a level of harmony. Always when I get hung up on an old way of thinking I get stuck, I create pain and I ultimately have to change my mind.
The only real challenge is that I don’t really know where I’m stuck or what the new idea is. If I knew I would have already changed. So I am forced to surrender and turn my problem over.
Those we call ‘healthy’ people go through this process all the time every day unconsciously. They just don’t necessarily call it surrender, forgiveness or letting go. The beauty of unconsciousness is this; that we don’t have to justify or validate our processes. So we shelve our problems for the night, or while we take on another project, help out another or take care of necessities. And when we come back we find our solution has just ‘popped’ into our minds. Because we unconsciously do this on a regular basis there is no serious buildup of pressure. Therefore the transformations in our lives are not overwhelmingly dramatic.
Occasionally we get stuck in an old belief, some idea we just picked up along the way juxtaposed to our present situation. We don’t see it but underneath we start feeling pressure a sense of inner tension that just keeps building. It starts to affect our sleep, our eating patterns, our communication and every other area of our lives. If the inner conflict remains unresolved long enough it will always show up in our physical experiences; either mental, emotional or physical health. But still we will not be able to identify the root problem precisely because it is a ‘root’ problem. It is a foundational concept that we have built our whole lives and values around. And the only solution is a complete collapse.
This is incredibly wonderful news; granted in a strange and often unpleasant feeling way. It is wonderful because the discomfort is absolutely necessary for us to recognize we have a core value misalignment. The healing can not begin until the dis-ease manifests. The greatest beauty here is in the realization that ultimately the healing is not in fixing the problem, certainly not physically, through external intrusive medicine, although that can have its short term benefits. The only real answer is surrender; release to a realignment of beliefs and values. As the great teachings declare; “Be ye transformed through the renewal of your mind.”
So as soon as we recognize the ‘problem’ even before we see our health practitioners, we can start the healing process.
I choose to be grateful for the revelation of misalignment revealed through this discomfort and I choose to surrender, I let go of my way and open to a new experience.
Then we can carry on with whatever action we trust will help in the ‘healing’ thereby being proactive in our process.
And again, we can not force this to happen. Ultimately all any of us can do is surrender to a higher order. For this we only need a faith that there is a power greater than we are available to us, and that we can use it by surrendering to it.
As this season of celebration comes in don’t forget to surrender to a higher power as the various discomforts arise. This season really can be a season of healing; and not just for computers and appliances.