October 03, 2007

It wasn’t until I had been out of high school for a couple years that I started to challenge myself to move through this hated mental block.  I advanced far enough to complete a few resumes and reports, where spelling and grammatical errors weren’t an issue.  I then put my issues to the back of my mind.


The turn around for me finally came when I showed an important person in my life a series of favorite books of mine, “Grooks” by Peit Hien.  My friend took a quick look and said if she had the money and time of the author she could have done just as well.


I had a revelation.  I realized that it would only take a small amount of time given daily to start building a momentum of change.


It still took me years to create the mental momentum to overcome the inertia I had established.   I had to find a need beyond myself that was greater than my fear and worry.  It eventually happened; one of my congregation moved away to a piece of northern Canadian isolation and wanted something to keep her inspired.  I swallowed my fear and started a weekly writing to uplift, inspire and refresh her.  Over time, complicated by  computer problems and many other learning curves, I have come up with something that is appreciated.  I get regular thanks from many people now on a list that easily reaches over a couple hundred people daily.  I am writing regularly for three different publications and there is no doubt that as long as I continue to move through my own inertia this thing that was started by a small commitment of daily time will yet grow into something I am hardly able to imagine.


I have recounted this story of the growth of Lightmail because in this adventure I learned some things I believe are worth sharing.


Most importantly I believe I may have truly learned the evils of worry.  I describe worry as fear hidden in the wrappings of sensibility.  There may be nothing more singularly detrimental to the aspirations of humanity than worry.  It eats at the soul and silently steals away the passion.  It drives a person into the cage of mediocrity and beats him into submission to repetition.  It is a pattern of thought; and only that, which constantly pushes away the very things we most desire.

Worry is still the one pattern that holds me from my greatest desires, and then takes them away when I have gained them.  To the degree that I gave myself over to worry I sold myself short on my dreams.  Worry constantly held me back from all my ‘YES’ decisions. 


Thankfully I learned more; I learned the power of increments; our dreams are built on the little choices we make every day.  They are mortared with our conviction and our visualizing.  It is the tenacity of our intention to stay focused only on the vision which brings it into fruition.  It is our actions that support its unfolding, refusing to allow an opening to those little doubts and worries that seem so insignificant of themselves, which makes the thing happen. 


Ultimately it will be our appreciation and gratitude that will truly makes our greatest dreams grow.  Gratitude and appreciation are like a powerful magnet that draws to us and keeps with us all those people who support our dreams and make them theirs.  It is important to clarify that the gratitude I speak of is not for what these people do; it is for who they are.  Appreciation for actions is fickle, it is ‘Pavlovian’, never lasting beyond the next favour-reward cycle. 


No, the appreciation that builds our dreams and a better world looks into the soul and sees the magnificence awaiting recognition there.  It is the gratitude that comes with faith, knowing that ‘you’ will come through because you too care; that your desire for greatness is the same desire which burns within me.  It is the appreciation in the word ‘Namaste’ (the God in me greets the God in you).


This is what all people crave; it is the gratitude that truly has meaning and buoys our souls.  ‘Positive thinking’ is wonderful and can have a powerful effect in a person’s life but will never amount to much until it connects to the heart of the world and sees that magnificence in every person who shows up.